First 250 Words of my book ‘Bodyguarding Evil.’ Trying to win a contest.

I have decide to enter a contest.  As part of that contest I need to post the first 250 words of my book.  So feel free to enjoy the first 250 words of my book called ‘Bodyguarding Evil’

http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/2011/09/can-you-hook-teen-blogfest.html

A thin line of drool was dripping down from a foot long tusk and almost fell on my head.  I hate drool.  I guess no one really likes drool, but this drool is even worse than what people imagine when they first think of drool.  It is thicker than most drools and it has a green hue to it.  As horrible as the drool is the drooler is even worse.  Imagine an ugly hairy walrus but instead of the tusks pointing down they point up.  Then put this hairy ugly walrus head on top of a giant man.  The drool is falling off this ugly walrus face because it is mad.  Luckily for me I am not the object of this madness.  I am just a measly little assistant.  I am no more than a gopher.

So what is a little assistant doing next to a drooling walrus headed giant?  I am the assistant of the person Mr. Ugly is looking at.  My boss used to be a bounty hunter.  He was paid to hunt down anything weird or unusual that needed to be brought before the AHT.  The Alternate Human Tribunal.  The governing body of all Alternate Humans.  Alternate Humans is the politically correct term for anything supernatural.  Ugly walrus head is an Alternate Human. I am not sure what type but I am sure he is one.  Vampires, ghosts, werewolves, zombies and the like are all Alternate Human life forms.  I helped him hunt, track and sometimes kill

Advertisements

About ryanjamesburt

I am a father, husband, accountant, and want to be writer. I try to stay busy so why not keep a blog. I can talk about what is on my mind and maybe entertain some people in the process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to First 250 Words of my book ‘Bodyguarding Evil.’ Trying to win a contest.

  1. Brenda Drake says:

    This is awesome, Ryan. I love the Alternate Human premise. You really hooked me with this. There are a lot of drools in this bit, and we’re told not to use the same word so many times in one paragraph, but it works here. The voice is excellent. Loved this! Good luck with the contest! ❤

    Like

  2. I like the Alternate Human premise, too. I think that opening would hook anyone.
    Cheers!

    Like

  3. Very Interesting. Good luck with the contest!

    Like

  4. Brenda thanks for doing your contest. It was a fun way to get some of my words out there.

    Like

  5. Jess H. says:

    This is interesting! I do think that “drool” is used few times too much and I personally like to see more action in the first few paragraphs, but I’d keep reading to see what’s going on. Good luck in the contest!

    Jess
    http://justjess.livejournal.com/

    Like

  6. I didn’t see that until I did a find drool and saw how many times I did use it. I will have to do some research to find some other words to use.

    Like

  7. I didn’t feel that I connected to your main character at all… you did a lot of world-building, but I know nothing about whose story this is and why I should care about them.

    I agree that the Alternate Human thing sounds intriguing, but I’d need some idea of who your MC is to want to turn the page.

    Also, yes, waaaaaay too many uses of the word ‘drool’ 😉

    Like

  8. Rules are meant to be broken. Especially lame literary rules. I like the overuse of the word drool. It made it comical. I connected to the main character as a result. I felt like he was going to be humorous and maybe a little ocd about fixating on certain things. You did that all without saying, “This is Bob. He is funny, but a little obsessive… da, da, dah.”

    I would keep reading.

    Like

Feel free to share. Even if what I said is stupid.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s